This blog is supposed to be my public, yet private diary.But lately, I can’t seem to put my feelings too much into writing. It either ended up being a poem, or a never ending rant of what I had in the past.

The past, after all is what I only have to live for the present. This entry will take you many many years ago before I was even existed.

Back in the band of police, my dad just have my mother and my brother. My brother was still a baby. Their economy at that time was not so good although both of them were working. There was a time where  the family was very desperate and my dad had to steal to survive. Yes, you heard me. Steal. He stole a watch from his friend and sold it.

With those money, the family survived.

But my dad never ever forget his pitiful friend who went all out to reveal the thief. But he just couldn’t admit because he couldn’t afford to return the watch or the money.And certainly, he couldn’t afford to lose his job at that crucial time. This happened more than 20 years ago.

My dad told me this story when I came back after his critical survival of bypass surgery two years ago.  Somehow I find that he told me a lot. He spoke of what he did wrong in the past. Even my mum doesn’t know most of the stories. I figured that it was his guilt in the past, that somehow makes him want to live even more. To at least tell a single soul.

Regretfully, I received the news that the man died before my dad specifically apologize to him regarding that matter. He wanted to but he just couldn’t do it back then.Last night he was contemplating of how to apologize to his friend’s family. How to tell them what he did back then, and to thank them for That was the  means of our survival Now.

Nicolo Machiavelli says: The End Justifies the Means .

But many scholars were opposed to that. And most of them, reject the idea totally.

“Narrated ‘Umar bin Al-Khattab: Allah’s Apostle said, “The reward of deeds depends upon the intention and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.” (1:hadith 40 , collection of Imam Nawawi)

Even with this hadith, many would oppose to the means that is not well-perceived in the common moral ground of society.

I agree with some radical methods that descending human value itself such as massacre but, is it really necessary to generalize and reject one idea Totally upon many many Bad reasons that outwit perhaps 1 good outcome?

and that One good outcome made me who I am today. Should I consider my flesh is unworthy because of my dad’s previous history?Well, people may say it’s your dad’s deed. Let him deal with it alone. But I care. Yes, I really care. There are so many things that I’ve seen in the world today that discredit one Good thing because of the Bad outcomes that back the Moral Wrongness.  There are  just too many!

For once, can’t we see the Goodness in things instead of the Bad things around it. Can we not judge a person before knowing what made him. Can’t we appreciate more Love instead of the Fear of God. Oh. I have so many things to say but I understand, whoever reads this would never agree with what I stand for. It might sounds too radical for their comprehension.

Having said that, I shall bid farewell. I’m going back to my cluster of books.


~ by littlehobbit on April 17, 2010.

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